Change. The Only Constant.

After my time abroad and using my experience as educational opportunities, I finished my senior year of high school and headed off to college the following year at Truman State University. Here, my world would make another unforeseen shift.

During my freshman year of college: on Valentine’s Day I got family news that was not great, on St. Patrick’s Day I got a “minor in possession of alcohol” citation, and on Easter I put diesel in my car. I laugh about this unfortunate series of events now, but at the time I was really struggling. I was struggling with the family situation, with making new friends, and learning that supposed friends were not genuine; all while navigating my way through classes and daily college life.

The struggles did not seem to stop, and I began to feel very alone even when I was surrounded by people. I was angry, sad, and just trying to deal with the current situation. My first attempt to get out of the day-to-day rut was to go on a study abroad trip to Costa Rica the summer of my freshman year. I had a great time, got to see many parts of Costa Rica, and continue to improve my Spanish skills, but I came back to the United States feeling just as lonely.

These feelings continued throughout most of my college years, and I could not seem to shake them, but fortunately, I found some healthy outlets. I began to share my struggles with close friends and family, some of these conversations were over a few drinks. I do not want to make it seem like my choices were always the healthiest; I did socially drink. I didn’t consciously do this to shake my feelings, but simply to try and forget about the angst I was feeling and have fun with friends.

Eventually, I decided to travel abroad again to Australia my junior year for an internship. This trip was another way of getting away from the day-to-day routine and to start something new; a form of hitting a reset button on my life. The trip did just that: reset and refreshed many aspects of my life. I thoroughly enjoyed my internship, met new friends from all over the world, and had time to dig into the root cause of my struggles. I took this time to deeply reflect and begin to change my mindset and outlook. Some may say it was the easy way out, but at the time I was searching for anything to get me out of the continuous emotional turmoil I was in. Yes, maybe I did not need to go across the world to do this, but I had the support and ability to take the internship, so I did. I was also able to learn not only that PR is not a career I’m passionate about but was able to dig deep within myself and reflect on many aspects of my life.

First 5K

Through this deep reflection, it dawned on me that I was now truly grieving the loss of my dad. That one realization brought a tremendous amount of clarity. This is also around the time that I started running. Running was an outlet that got me out of the house, away from school and friends; it allowed me to start working through my emotions while releasing endorphins. During this time, I had lost a significant amount of weight as a result of a weight loss program. Once I started running err, walking, I was hooked. I started by alternatively run/walking and gradually built up my endurance until I could run down the block, down the street, and eventually a full mile without stopping.

Running was my new love. I loved the freedom, the progress I was seeing and a it felt as though a whole new world was opening up to me. This experience of physical activity allowed me to process emotions while feeling stronger and healthier and I haven’t looked backed.

While courage may not seem immediately apparent to my college years, I believe that it took courage to begin reflecting internally and understanding the emotions that I was experiencing and search for what might be underneath the emotions. Then, instead of turning to other coping mechanisms, both good and bad, finding and choosing running was an experience that has forever changed my life.

How running has changed my life, and how it continues to become a larger and more meaningful part of my life is going to be saved for the next blog. Stay tuned!

With Courage,

Katie